note

Help me when I deserve it the least. Help me in the face of my rage. It is easy to help me when I am the well behaved, the good-natured patient, but anyone without skill can treat me well when I am this way. I need your skills, your help when I am at my worst so that I can understand and identify something better than myself. You may have to show me over and over again that I have value and that my rage will not destroy you, because I learn these things slowly and my old ways are everywhere I look, they are in my thoughts and feelings. These thoughts and feelings feel like they will destroy me so I put them in you, because I hope you are stronger then I am. So please don’t be angry with me for putting these terrible feelings into you, and I hope that maybe you can do something with them because I don’t know how or I need you to show me how with your actions so that I can identify with you. I try to understand your words but sometimes your words can’t reach me because my emotions are asleep when you are talking but when my emotions are awake and disturb me, they are working in partnership with you, even if just a little. So thank you for accepting and holding these terrible parts of myself and then letting me take them back after you have made them softer, easier to tolerate. Thank you for helping me when I least deserve it.

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